Going "up"

I can't act in a play. In high school I was in a couple of plays and I learned something very important about myself.  I can do fine in practice again and again.  But, when the audience is assembled and the house lights come on, I go "up."  My lines fly away and I need to be prompted or perhaps shoved down and replaced with someone who can keep her head about her and remember her lines.  I have often wondered what happens to my brain when the "going up" happens.  It feels like my mind becomes a blank slate.

My mom is 91.  Up to now she has been a sharp and spry old lady.  Up to recently.  But, recently she has had more frequent episodes of forgetfulness.  It is short term memory that is affected. She lost the dessert she made and money she had gotten to give for gifts at Christmas. She double shopped for pickles. These are all small things, small things.  But I worry about what is happening to her mind when she goes up on her lines, when she forgets.

Short term memory loss happens to all of us if we live long enough.  It is that dreaded "A" word, the beholder's disease. I want to prompt her and say "remember, remember, Remember!" but the mind doesn't work that way.

It is a reminder to enjoy the here and the now.  It is a reminder to enjoy today and make plans for tomorrow.  I don't know what happen to the brain when it forgets.  I just know, that a cure hasn't been invented for it. I won't be appearing in any plays.